Thursday, 22 December 2016

P R O M I S E S T O M Y S E L F


This year has been rough for all of us it seems. deaths, hateful attacks on innocent people, wars, political 'WTF's and so much more. But apart from the woes like these that I share with so many others, my year has been 'fine' on a personal level; I have a job, I'm about to buy our first house with my husband, all my friends and family are happy and healthy. I'm plodding along. But still, there's something just not right...



As I approach 30 (October 2017) I feel like my life needs a huge kick up the arse. I need a restart - and soon. I've made a few promises to myself that I'd like to share with you. I want to share these for a number of reasons: so I can see them written down coherently, so that I don't forget any of them & so that I feel a little extra push to make sure I try my hardest to follow through with them! They're promises I'm making in the hope of feeling passionate again. Feeling ready to go when I get up every morning. Feel like I'm living a worthy life. These are my promises to me...

N o . 1  Make time to write more for my blog
I've neglected in the last 2 months while I've been settling into a new job and arranging everything for our new home.
It's really important that I start making more time to write as it's something I do for me, that allows me a creative outlet when my mind is full of ideas or life is full of dull.

N o . 2  Begin performing again
I have spent most of my life loving theatre, but over the last few years I've convinced myself I'm not 'interested' in it anymore. The last few months have made me realise this is a massive lie, and that I have simply become so introverted and self loathing of my looks and weight, and that this was the reason I wasn't comfortable enough performing anymore.
I've promised myself to get back in touch with old theatre contact, practice singing and maybe even get a singing teacher & also to join an amateur dramatics group. Writing this promise in particular makes me really excited. Theatre was my life and passion for so long and I can't wait to devote some time to it again. I owe it to myself!

N o . 3  Get a job as close to home as possible
I travel for three hours a day, 5 days a week on public transport to my current job. There are loads of admin jobs in my home town that I could be looking into. Time to get my butt in gear & find something as close to home as possible so I can keep those three hours a day for myself. The mere thought of this makes me smile!

N o . 4  Show my husband how much I love him more often
The stresses & strains of the previous year, and everyday life in general, has meant that affection for one another has taken a bit of a back seat. I have been with Rich for nearly 8 years now and I love him more everyday -  it's time to show him more - he definitely deserves it!

N o . 5  Start to consider a career (change)
I currently work in admin. I don't think I need to say, but it's shit. It was meant to be a short term after leaving university, a means to an end so to speak. 8 years later...
I'm flirted with a few different ideas but I need to commit to considering them all seriously, making a decision & be proactive in making it a reality ASAP!

N o . 6  Go back to church
Woah, woah woaah. How uncool of me, right? But seriously, I need to start going to church again because it does amazing things for me. The sense of community and kindness stays with me throughout my struggles of the week, and really keeps me focused on being a good and kind person.

N o . 7  Loose weight & pay more attention to my body
This is not a vanity thing; I am way overweight now and it's not something I'm conformable with - both on an appearance and health level. Gaining weight has been something that has been a problem for the last few year. It directly correlates with my lack in confidence after I stopped performing. Hopefully one promise will help another in this case!

N o . 8  Make new friends & reconnect with old ones
I know this is the same for everyone, but adult life sucks when it comes to friends. As a teen I had no choice but to spend time with my friends everyday, but once the world of work comes along and fucks your life up, friends become people you see a lot less than you;d like to. Luckily, I have a handful of friends who although I see rarely, will always know and understand me and would always be there for me if I needed them to be. These are the people who will completely enrich myself and support these promises to myself, so it makes sense to pull my finger out and get texting...!

I can't explain who therapeutic just writing that was! I'm committed to these promises & truly believe that 2017 could be a great year for me. And I really can't to work on my happy.

Are you making any New Year promises to yourself? Let me know in the comments!

Have a great Christmas everyone!
Lx

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