Tuesday, 19 September 2017

it's time for a change

I've been sitting here for the last 40 minutes, starring at the screen, wondering if it is the right thing to do to post this. All the 'no' reasons were superficial and ridiculous, and all the 'yes' reasons were honest, and human, and genuine. So, here it goes.

I’m not sure yet if it’s just a ‘time-of-the-month’, internal strop, or whether it’s a feeling that’s here to stay, but last night I was scarily close to deleting everything related to my online presence. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, even my blog. I’ve become so engulfed in it and all of a sudden it hit me, and it really hurt.

I hope I’m able to articulate myself properly in this post. I don’t want it to seem like it’s one of those empty threat ‘I’m going to quit blogging & social media if I don’t get more attention’ post -  it might even be the complete opposite….

My blog seems to have taken off a lot since its first birthday early this year. I gave it a full revamp and made a conscious decision that I was going to work hard on growing my following and reaching out to work with PR and brands. I’ve done both fairly quickly, and gone from taking on no review work, to being absolutely swamped with press samples and the high expectations that come along with them!

To those of you who might be reading this, please don’t ever think that receiving a lot of ‘blogger mail’ is the blessing that it looks like. It’s not. I have more skincare and cosmetics than I could probably use in a decade, and the pressure to review them is… another level. It’s my fault, I know. I need to learn to say ‘no’ (and believe me, I will be from now on) when offers to ‘try out’ products come in. I need to learn to me more selective and look after my other responsibilities more.

I’m a true creative to the core. I love to create for myself, and my own wellbeing. If I’m not creating something then I get a massive life-itch, and have even become really depressed in the past when I’ve had no creative outlet. I have to reset myself, and remember why I started blogging. I love to write. I love to take good photos. I love make up. I need to get back to basics and bring my mind back to creating - just for me. Create only when I want to create, and not because I feel a silent pressure to!

Along with this comes the social media presence. I feel a constant need to promote and push my work. There’s no issue with this, in itself, but it’s the obsession behind it that getting me down. I’ve been choosing my online-life over my real life too much lately, and it has to stop. My real life is so rich with love, and friends, and family, and opportunity. And I’m ignoring, and even starting to ruin it all in the name of trying to make it in the blogging world. Again, it has to stop.

Last night, as lay wide-awake with a wash of realisation drowning me, I decided to make some promises to myself, and indirectly, to people in my real life. I wanted to share them all for a couple of reasons; in the hope that it might inspire someone else, and so that I can, ironically, be held to some account by writing it down on the internet.

Social media needs to get in the back seat, and my real life is calling ‘shot-gun’. These are my promises:
  • To check in on my parents, instead of checking in on Facebook
  • To send my husband a thoughtful text in 140 characters, instead of sending a tweet
  • To make more memories with my sisters, rather than obsessively watching other people post memories on Instagram
  • To catch up with old friends rather than catching up on YouTube videos
  • To work hard to improve my job satisfaction in the job I've got now, rather than fret and worry about the pressure to test & write reviews to promote products and brands that have never paid me a penny

I’m not going to stop blogging. I’m not going to stop using social media. I’m simply flipping my priorities on their head. I am simply going to put real life first, and I think I’ll become both a better blogger and a better person for it.
Thank you for listening x


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